UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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