He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
