I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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