I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
