felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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