We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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