Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
