I want to make a zoo with you.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
