its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
