I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
