Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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