Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
