remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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