Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
