I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
