youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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