Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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