if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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