I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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