Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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