too bad you live with your parents still
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
