He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
