Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
