she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize