his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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