P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
