you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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