Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
