your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
