Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
