she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
