I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
