she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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