I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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