My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
