Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize