smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Randomize
