Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
