If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
