Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
