he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
