If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
