I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
