Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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