I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
