I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
