all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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