Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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