6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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