What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
