Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize