Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
