Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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