weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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