hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
