Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
