i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
