Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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