Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
