Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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