He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
