Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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