she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
