i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
