i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize