so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
