I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
